First Post EVER & Justification

So I have decided to start this blog as a distraction, as a “therapy” tool, and as motivation to one-day start on my book idea that I would like to “write” one day. I even have a concept and everything. I think about little excerpts all the time for this imaginary book. I write paragraphs, intros, descriptions to the readers while I ride the bus, at work, when I run, etc. but whenever I actually try to write, it comes out horribly trite or worse, boring. Mostly I don’t even try to set time aside to write because I am conflicted about so many things and my statements, views, opinions (if I actually have any on the subject) are so transient and I think would anyone want to read this or understand it. I am even conflicted that if I am writing instead of actively being in the world that I am wasting time. Argh…its exhausting. Ultimately, I really don’t care. I just want to write down these thoughts (to sometimes just get them out of my head) but it can be a deterrent when you already have such doubting thoughts. It is not productive to the creative process. You know what is…. hours of listening to Pandora. Yeah, music! I personally like listening to girly music, which at this time I don’t care to define. Anyway, got off of subject, why I am really starting this now is well the first and second reasons in my first sentence. This week has been a tough week: many realizations about myself, my nature (nice way of saying faults), my loneliness, and even my own frailty to outside influences. I wrote a small blog about the last one (yesterday) but not sure if I feel totally comfortable sharing it yet. I am not sure who I want to tell about this page yet as my intentions for it are not entirely known. I think I am depressed. Pretty sure I have depressing moments throughout the day and is re-confirmed by the fact that I even want to start this blog because when I was younger I would always write when I was sad. All my writings were depressing but I wasn’t in fact depressed than….just good therapy. One method to cope. blah, blah, blah. Think I am done now.